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From the Sofa

The Christchurch Test belonged to Richardson
Roy Colbert - 21 March 2001

(Two cricket fanatics with their views on the game from their Dunedin sofa).

"Mate, I think when the dust has settled from the second test, the one enduring memory we will cling to will be the re-emergence of Mark Richardson as a world-class left-arm spinner."

"I'm glad you said re-emergence, mate, for as we both know, Richie was a startlingly fine left-arm spinner many moons ago, back when he couldn't bat his way out of a bag."

"And now he is the finest opener in the game, and arguably second only to Vettori on the world spinning stage."

"It would be tautologous of us at this point to mention he is an Otago boy."

"Tautologous?"

"Tautologous. Big word."

"Very big word."

"But Richie's efforts late on that fourth day were just spell-binding, mate. He gave us the entire MCC coaching manual in just nine overs, the man, quite simply, put on a clinic out there."

"And his victory dance, mate, talk about the joy of the game. I gave him the man of the match award just for that run down to fine leg. He looked superbly balanced."

"A terribly dull game though. How could that Jade Stadium CEO come on the Dilmah Tea Party and claim the pitch was SENSATIONAL? Why didn't Coney box his ears?"

"Coney had his head inside a large white cup of Dilmah tea if I recall."

"I'll tell you what I did enjoy on the telly during that game - when they showed McMillan's first three overs all run together, eighteen balls in twelve seconds. This is modern technology being used in the very finest way. At this rate the TV boys could give us a day's play in six minutes."

"Phew! That's only as long as a Jeremy Coney sentence."

"Absolutely only that long. It makes you realise how tough it was for Wrighty back when Coney was captain and could only communicate with Hadlee through him - those were weighty sentences Wrighty must have had to carry down to the great man."

"Wrighty learned to speak incredibly fast, mate, which was what got him the Indian coaching job. They appreciate fast-talking in the Punjab."

"Well, they do, you're right. I hear the Australian who interviewed for the job said f--- four times when they merely asked him his name."

"Those Australians, mate, they just don't get it do they? But I do reckon there's a lot of cricket fans out there who would prefer their Test cricket to be shown at high speed, though I'm a purist me, I like the long drawn-out meandering nature of a Test where pretty much nothing happens and there's no result at the end."

" Like smoke from a damp cigarette winding inexorably towards a distant ceiling."

"You're a poet, mate."

"Mind you, men like us have the time to watch a game in this way, especially with the work not being out there."

"You ever worked, mate?"

"Me? Worked? No. The work's not out there."

"Me neither. But I reckon I could host the Dilmah Tea Party. Read an e-mail, lift the cup to the lips, shuffle some paper, lift the cup to the lips, smile at the camera ..."

"Lift the cup to the lips."

"... lift the cup to the lips as you say, read another email, lift the cup to the lips ..."

"Lift the cup to the lips."

"... lift the cup to the lips. I could do that."

"You could, mate, I'll ring Jerry right now."

© CricInfo


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